The Haze: Who Said What?

From pageant queens to heads of state, seems like everyone has something to say about the haze. But who actually said what? Here’s the definitive guide…

“If not for the haze, the litter, the pollution, the traffic jam… Indonesia is a beautiful city!”

Miss Indonesia 2006.

“Indonesia? Is that some where near Bali?”

George W. Bush.

“There is no smoke without fire, there is no fire without a spark, there is no spark without a lighter, there is no lighter without oil, there is no oil without the oil companies. All the Westerner’s oil companies bigger than Petronas. So for sure, the haze is the Westerners’ fault!!”

Self-declared Honorary Minister Mentor of Malaysia (H.M.M.M.)

“No, it’s a bird! No, it’s a plane! No, it’s…”

SIA pilot coming in for landing.

“… The haze is acting as a wind resistance to our buses, causing extra drag, which increases petrol consumption… We have no choice but to raise fares by another 5%.”

Singapore bus company CEO, B.S. Ng

“So much haze how can I go out and burn incense? Why they so inconsiderate one?”

A Heartlander Auntie.

“…We are rolling out the wireless broadband network next year. This is to ensure we remain competitive with our neighbours. Look at Indonesia, 6,000 hot spots in Sumatra and Kalimantan alone.”

Singapore Leeder.

“… And the Pi Sai reading for today hor - hundred and chaof, you know.”

Ah Lian assigned to MediaCorp news desk.

“Ha ha ha ha!!!”

A smoker in smoker’s corner, somewhere outdoors in Singapore.

“To eliminate the threat of these farmers, I recommend a small deployment of ground infantry into Sumatra… supported by six squadrons of Apache attack helicopters… four F-16s with heat-seeking missiles...”

Isreali Prime Minister to PM Lee.

“Quote… Hok hok hok!... Unquote.”

Pope Benedict in KL.

“We are trying to resolve this on the diplomatic front. Failing which, we will be deploying Temasek Holding.”

Unconfirmed source.

“Our forests produce oxygen which makes the air cool for them, but they have never been grateful. Now that there is haze, they complain. There should be a balance.”

Indonesian Forestry Minister.

DISCLAIMER: These are not my personal views. They are fictitious quotes from somewhat fictitious characters. Except for that last one, it’s real. Just goes to show that life can be stranger than fiction.

Singapore, all together now... "He ain't hazy.... He's my brother." (Sorry, I know that was corny)